From that point, it felt like time stopped. I freaked out, vomited, took a cold shower, and went to bed. "My experience with some of these symptoms started one evening after smoking marijuana and having a panic attack while still under the effects of the drug.
I constantly feel spaced out."ĭepersonalization disorder can also be associated with drug use, such as the use of marijuana.īrian writes about his symptoms of dissociation: "Since then, and that was 20 years ago, I've had one experience like that after another and never completely felt like I was back in my body. It was unreal and the weirdest thing in the world!" he exclaimed, his hands shaking. "One day I was walking around the city, minding my own business, when suddenly I found myself looking down at myself from somewhere near the awning of a store. Occasionally, I catch glimpses of the pain, but I haven't unlocked it fully yet." Symptoms of a Dissociative Disorder: Depersonalization Disorderĭepersonalization disorder feels like an "out of body" experience and a major characteristic of depersonalization disorder is feeling like you're watching your life happen rather than living it. I couldn't feel the pain, which I know must have been involved. Then, in the middle of all of that, I could suddenly feel the rape happening, but not fully. Finding out about that really freaked me out. Then, on Sunday evening, I found out that a man who I have a personal connection with tortured and killed two boys, in front of his sons, one of which is a close friend of mine, and got away with it. For a few weeks, a new protector appeared, and he held the door shut for me when I needed him to. I instinctively knew that there was rape behind the door, but I couldn't quite believe it. "Then, towards the end of August, I found a door in my mind, blocking out a memory.
After that night, Alois disappeared for about a month." I wanted to scream but I couldn't open my mouth because that made the feeling more intense.
I won't go into explicit detail of what was happening, but I could feel it again as I was lying in bed. Then suddenly, I could remember very clearly being knelt on a cold, hard floor in front of a naked skinny man. Because I was already tired and grumpy, I didn't resist. While I was talking to my significant other via Facebook in bed, I began to feel my protective alter, Alois, starting to wake up, wanting to cause trouble. It put me in a really bad mood and I went to bed at about 11pm. "At the end of July, I had a really nasty argument with my sister one night because I wanted to stay up late but she said that if I did, I'd be grumpy in the morning, and she didn't want to deal with me being grumpy. Toril writes of her dissociative disorder symptoms: Additionally, in dissociative identity disorder, multiple alternate personality states ("alters") present themselves when a person is dissociative (often during times of stress). Symptoms of a Dissociative Disorder Dissociative Identity Disorder and Dissociative Amnesia SymptomsĪ major characteristic of dissociative disorders is dissociative amnesia wherein a person will not remember important personal details that may be surrounding an event, time, person or another area. Read some personal accounts of what it's like to live with a dissociative disorder, below. No matter what, though, symptoms of dissociative disorders tend to be upsetting and take a toll on a person's work, home and personal life. Dissociative disorder symptoms can range from mild, such as feeling out of one's body for a short period of time, to severe, such as long periods of dissociative amnesia or alternate personality states.
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